Emotions

Yesterday, Chad and I were talking about how quickly the past year has gone. We have almost been in North Carolina for a year. The day was a relaxed day, we packed some for our 7th move as a married couple (in 4 years!), we hung out together and did things around the house. Overall a good day.

However, that night as I was trying to drift off to sleep I kept thinking about the past year...then it hit me and the tears began to fall. You see, yesterday was June 22nd and last year that was the day that we found out that I had a miscarriage and we would not be having a baby. That was the worst day of my life. I didn't cry yesterday because I was still grieving and upset at God and wishing it had never happened. I cried yesterday because I remembered the pain. I know that God has a plan and for that baby the plan was to be with Jesus quicker than I had anticipated. I now know that if we had that baby we wouldn't be having this one now...and when I look at the pictures (in the previous post) I know that God's plan for this baby is to be raised by Chad and I!

It was an interesting set of emotions as I remembered the pain of losing my first child, I was at the same time, feeling this new life in me kick and squirm. It was sadness and joy all at once, difficult to figure out and to handle.

I am so thankful that my Lord and Savior has my life figured out because I don't. I'm blessed beyond belief to be carrying this baby now. I am more than thankful to have a loving Heavenly Father who has plans for me and who holds me through the rough times and laughs with me through the joyful times.